The Flavour of Knowledge
by Zarius
Summary: The Doctor hoped it'd be easy to ignore the calls from her fam for the truth, but she gets rattled by the persistence of one of them (12x02 Spyfall Part Two)


**DOCTOR WHO**

**THE FLAVOUR OF KNOWLEDGE**

**WRITTEN BY** **ZARIUS**

* * *

_I'm fine_.

That's what she'd say if the fam asked about her. Nothing too fancy or complex, just an assurance they had nothing to worry about in regards to her well being.

She knew they'd start asking, it was unrealistic of her to think they could keep their concerns to themselves, much as it currently pleased her that they had.

They had to have been rattled by their whole ordeal, even though she held their hand through one phase of the crisis, crossing time and space to ensure their survival by leaving clues and instructions within Daniel Barton's plane before it was destroyed, they still had to deal with their good name being dragged through the mud and driven underground as fugitives from justice.

And_ he_ of all people had to ask if she was replacing them all with the company she had chosen to keep throughout the adventure, companions plucked from history that she made sure to put back where she found them, with their memories of the adventure no longer intact.

Imagine him sounding almost hurt that she'd ever try to replace him, or any of them.

She always did keep telling the impossible Graham O'Brien not to panic. But does he ever listen to her?

She was so sure she once heard him say something like that about her to himself back in the great Victorian desert outback of Australia.

The_ nerve_ of him.

She wondered just how long she could keep toiling away at the console now, as her three companions huddled together, a united front, with a stance that conveyed all too clearly they were about to stage an intervention.

The Doctor didn't desire one, she was well prepared for it. Just tell them you're fine, they won't persist, they won't.

"You OK? You've been really quiet" Yaz inquired, kicking off the inevitable.

"Yeah, you have been for days now" Ryan said, joining in.

The Doctor tinkered away the console, keeping quiet, barely listening; perhaps it was just easier to drown out any complications.

Then she noticed one of them about to speak, his hands in his pockets, a stern and strict appearance, as is she was ticking him off with her behaviour both in the past and just this instant.

_Please don't start_ she thought.

"The right five planets you've barely said a word" Graham said.

_All right you win_ The Doctor thought, and fell back on plan A.

"I'm fine" she said aloud in a defensive tone, before turning her attention to another part of the console. She hoped that would be enough, knowing it wouldn't be, that it couldn't.

Graham wasn't about to accept 'fine' as an ideal response. They had been through enough to know that 'fine' wasn't going to cut it. He had a jigsaw puzzle to sort out and all he had were a couple of edge pieces to put it together, he needed the complete picture.

"Why don't you ever share stuff with us?" He continued.

_Oh, why does this stubborn man persist?_ She thought to herself, throwing her hands up in the air and sprang up in front of them from behind the console.

"I share stuff" she said defensively, giving Graham an aghast expression with her jaw dropped, as if she were taking the questions from him personally, like he was conveying a lack of faith in her.

"Not about yourself though" Graham countered, not phased in the slightest by The Doctor's facials, he would not be silenced this day, for he was truly challenging her, and while he knew she did not like to be challenged, especially by him, he felt it was warranted for the good of their ongoing relationship.

"Yeah, you know everything about us" Ryan added.

"And we know nothing about you" Yaz concluded.

The Doctor sighed, she was the elephant in the room, and those in attendance wanted to pay the price of admission to the circus. This was no longer a free ride, as always, it had come with cost.

She had lost her friend, the Master, to the blight of evil once again.

She had lost her homeworld, Gallifrey, to the Master's rage over lies told for centuries to the two of them by her people.

Now her fam wanted her to bear her soul, would doing so cost her it too?

She knew ignoring them now cost her them, and she could not bear that any less.

"Fine" she said, turning to face them, "What do you want to know?"

Yaz and Ryan turned to one another, they looked distant, conflicted, like two wayward souls who had journeyed up a great mountain to seek advice from the wise keeper of a fountain bursting with the flavour of knowledge, yet refused to drink from it, like they feared what they would learn, or were afraid revealing the truth would prove strenuous on the friend and mentor who had hid the truth so carefully.

So the wisest of them, the second oldest to The Doctor herself, chose to speak their minds, and ask the only question that needed answering. The only soul The Doctor could truly bear her own too.

Graham stepped up, walking a few meters towards The Doctor; he was a tower of pure strength, his face strengthened, as it had been all day, by his desire for closure and elaboration, and to be able to trust this wonderful woman for a while longer.

"Who _are_ you Doc? _Really_?" he asked.

The Doctor welcomed the strength, she was transfixed by it, and her eyes stared back at his in wonderment. All that she had felt resonate from him, the stubbornness, and the mildest of irritation when he asked her the most questions, all of this fell to the back of her mind and she focused on her persistence, the drive to get things done.

Were it just the two of them together in the room, she could trust in his strength completely, be anything he wanted her to be, but she had the children in the room to think about.

For now, it was time to tell them all as much of the truth as she could bear to share with at least three people.

She hoped it would not cost them anything to know.


End file.
